Keep your expectations low and you will never be disappointed

Как говорил Картман

     мультсериал, Эрик Картман, цитаты     ~4 мин.     0

Очень люблю мультфильм Саус Парк, прям один из моих любимейших мультсериалов. А вот к Эрику я испытываю какое-то особые чувство нежности, он чертовски крут! Не буду описывать о чем сериал, кто такой Картман, кто такой Кенни и почему он умирает постоянно, даже не расскажу вам кто такие Кайл и Стэн. Если вы всего этого не знаете, то гугл вам в помощь. А сейчас расскажу я вам про мои любимые цитаты.

Cartman: I'm not fat, I'm big boned!

Eric Cartman: I need a complete team to operate this vehicle. Along with me I'm gonna need a scientist, an engineer, and, of course, a black person who can sacrifice himself in case something goes wrong.

[Kenny has just died in the hospital]
Cartman: I bet him he couldn't do it. I bet him a hundred dollars.
Kyle: It's not your fault, Cartman.
Cartman: Dude, I know, I'm just fuckin' stoked I don't have to pay him.
Kyle: Oh, that's real nice! He was your friend, you fat fuck!

Cartman: See, it doesn't hurt anyone! Fuck, fuckety, fuck, fuck, fuck.

[for no reason]
Eric Cartman: I hate you Kenny.

Mr. Mackey: I guess I'll have to send a warning letter out to parents before more children see Terrence & Phillip.
Cartman: Everybody's fucking seen it.
Mrs. Cartman: Eric!
Cartman: I'm sorry I can't help myself. That movie has warped my fragile little mind.

Cartman: It was the Terrence & Phillip movie.
Kyle: Dude!
Cartman: What? Fuck you guys. I wanna get out of here.

Cartman: Mom? If you were in a German "scheisse" video, you... you'd tell me, right?
[short pause]
Mrs. Cartman: Sure, hon.

Cartman: Yes, that's right, I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie. Now who wants to touch me?
Cartman: [yells] I said, who wants to fuckin' touch me?

Kyle: Let me have some candy, Cartman.
Cartman: Let's see, hmm, nope, I don't have any Jewish candy.
Kyle: Fine! Like you really need all that chocolate, fat boy!

Stan: Hey, guys. Do you know where I can find the clitoris?
Kyle: The what?
Cartman: What, is that like finding Jesus or something?

Cartman: I just want to say: I love you guys, I do... except you Kyle.

Kyle Broflovski: Cartman, what kind of costume is that?
Eric Cartman: It's an Adolf Hitler costume. Sieg heil! Sieg heil!

Cartman: Maybe you didn't hear me, Kyle. I said SHIT. On TELEVISION.

Cartman: I am not fat, I'm big-boned.
Kyle: Jay Leno's chin is big-boned. You're a big fat ass.
Cartman: Nuh-uh!
Kyle: Cartman, you have such a big fat ass that when you walk down the street people say, "GODDAMMIT, that's a big fat ass!"
Man: Goddamn it, that's a big fat ass!
Cartman: Hey!

Voiceover: Who is Eric Cartman's father? Is it Chief Running Water? Or is it Chef? Is it Mephesto? Or that little monkey guy that follows him around? Or is it Mr. Garrison? Is it Jimbo? Or is it Officer Barbrady? Or could it be Ned? Or Mr. Broflovski? Or is it the 1991 Denver Broncos? The answer is coming on an all-new South Park... in just four weeks.
Cartman: What? Son of a bitch!

Eric Cartman: God damn it!
Record Dealer: Whoa! Calm down there!
Eric Cartman: Who cares? I can never win a bet because you stupid assholes don't give out platinum albums.
Record Dealer: But you spread the word of the lord. You brought faith in Jesus.
Eric Cartman: D'oh! Fuck Jesus!
Butters Stotch: Calm down, Eric. You're gonna hurt the band!
Token Williams: Yeah, we're losing our fans.
Eric Cartman: Who fucking cares, Token? I can never beat Kyle now. I'll say it again. Fuck Jesus!

Eric Cartman: Alright, look. I didn't want to have to say this, but I think maybe we're not seeing Heaven because one of us doesn't believe in it enough.
Kyle Broflovski: Huh?
Eric Cartman: Heaven could be like the Pixie-Faries of Bubble-Yum Forest: you only see them if you really believe in them.
Stan Marsh: What?
Eric Cartman: You know, maybe we're not seeing Heaven because one of us is a J-O-O...?
Kyle Broflovski: [Beat] What does me being a Jew have to do with anything?
Eric Cartman: Because Jews don't believe in Heaven!
Kyle Broflovski: Yes, we do! Just not the Christian Heaven.
Eric Cartman: Right; your idea of Heaven is getting five dollars off your matzoh ball soup at Barney's Beanery by lying about a hair in it.
Kyle Broflovski: YAAAAAAH!

Eric Cartman: Did I just call myself a blood-belching vagina?

Police Captain: Well kid, you made an entire town panic, you lost all your friends, and now you're going to Juvenile Hall for a week! Huh, was it worth it?
Cartman: [dreamily] ... totally.

Stan Marsh: Dude it's Kyle's Birthday. We should do whatever he wants to do.
Cartman: What? Fuck Kyle!

Pip: Oh Eric, I didn't get an invitation.
Eric Cartman: Hmm, what could I have done with Pip's invitation? Pip's invitation... Pip's invitation... Oh, I remember. I shoved it up my ass. That's right. I wrote it up, put in an envelope, sealed it, and
Eric Cartman: shoved it right up my ass, forever ruining any chance of you coming to my birthday party. Sorry, Pip ol' chap.

Eric Cartman: Now, Kyle, when you're sucking my balls, are you gonna think about how right I was about the leprechaun or
Eric Cartman: are you just gonna try and focus how rough and salty my balls feel in your mouth?
Kyle Broflovski: Let's just do it!
Eric Cartman: In time, Kyle. You certainly are eager for balls, aren't you? Are you ball famished? Ball starving? You see, Kyle, I wonder if at this moment, you're actually...

Eric Cartman: It does email and web browsing and it shits in Kyle's mouth? This is the greatest thing that has ever been invented!

Eric Cartman: Mama, please can we go back and get the Toshiba Handibook?
Liane Cartman: No.
Eric Cartman: Well, then can we at least pull up here and get some dinner? 'Cause I like to be wined and dined after I've been... FUCKED!

Cartman: Never underestimate the power of a free hat.


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